Clad
in red, the symbol of marital bliss and sanctity in Hindu culture of
Nepal, and with a faint glimmer of hope in their eyes, they have been
moving from pillar to post to find the whereabouts of their husbands. It
has been ages since these women last saw their husbands. Their misty eyes
show signs of eternal waiting for the eventual return of their disappeared
loved ones.
Have those disappeared already been killed? A
disappeared cannot be pronounced dead till their remains are found. To
live in dilemma, undoubtedly is more than being crucified. When will the
status of the disappeared during the decade-long conflict in the country
be established? When will their loved ones return? These questions are
gnawing their spirits and killing them softly.
On the one hand, the Nepali women have been waging a
war against discrimination to achieve equality and social justice. On the
other hand, they have to bear the brunt of the decade-long conflict in the
country. The socio-economic-cultural structure of the country endows a
secondary role to women. They have no separate identity besides literally
playing the second fiddles in the affairs of society. For them, their
“valiant halves” are the Almighty Gods, on whose mercy the entire drama of
their lives unfolds.
“I
have completely no desire to live, I could neither feed my children; the
bringer of bacon is still missing. Nor could I provide them with the
proper education and feed them well. I feel like killing my children and
committing suicide than just dragging on through this unfeeling world.
Sometimes I tried to feel what my husband would possibly say to me if we
meet again. A decade-long separation, I can’t imagine! I believe that
everything will never be the same again if he comes back. Sometimes, I
feel suffocated by my inability to manage my family. But the hope always
lurks behind my every thought and I just manage to wade on.”
The innocents got meshed up in the whirlpool of conflict and emerged,
ultimately, as victims. Although the country underwent a massive political
transformation and the erstwhile rebels are basking in the afterglow of
their ascent to power, the situation of the victims remains as it was
during the period of the conflict. The so-called architects of New Nepal
are enjoying every physical amenity available in the market but are
negligent of the daily needs of the victims. What ails most is that they
are still putting a blind eye towards establishing the status of the
disappeared.
“I am hopeful for his return. I exist just because I am
optimistic about his arrival. He haunts me in my dreams and says that he
is coming soon. I sometimes feel that he is walking by my side. If I
happen to encounter someone who is of my husband’s stature or wears
clothes like him, I mistake the stranger as my beloved. He will certainly
come because he was innocent. The killers are walking freely. The people
in the government do nothing but criticize the older establishment for the
latter’s myopic vision and tyranny. But they don’t care about us, victims.
Those who are running the government now are the ones who started an armed
revolution to do away with injustice and discrimination. However, they are
busy only in visiting foreign lands and providing employment to their
yes-men. They don’t have time even to spare a minute to listen to the woes
of the victims. The abduction and disappearance of people are still
continuing. The list of the victims is increasing and more and more people
are suffering from the same problems we endured during the conflict. “
“Hordes of people were disappeared but nobody knows
their whereabouts. This work has tremendous repercussions on the lives of
people making our life literally a hell. Life is really absurd for us. The
children inquire about their father and I am forced to invent lies that he
will be back in a month or two. I always remember him. A day never passes
without remembering him. I am angry with the people who keep on coming in
flocks to record the incidents; hundreds came and documented the case but
none has ever informed me about the status of my husband. I have lost all
hopes. I am illiterate and I know nothing. If you could show me the way, I
will be obliged to you all my life. I feel like committing suicide. What
shall I do? “
“The sunset of my life began the day my husband went
missing. I don’t know how I am living without him. In the midst of this,
my-mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law hate me. “If we don’t have
a brother at home, what is my use? You are just a jinxed woman and he
disappeared because of this,” my mother-in- law said this a week ago. I
spent the whole night weeping. Unable to resist more with my suicidal
thoughts, I went to nearby Trishuli River to get drowned but I remembered
the advice of sisters like me. I remembered my daughters and came back. My
relatives in-law had planned to send my daughters to my parents’ house
after I get drowned and when they saw me coming back, they scolded me and
asked where I had been and with whom I was with for being so late.
Remembering my husband’s love for me, I tried to be indifferent and
unmindful of their behavior. Ours was a love marriage and he was the sole
breadwinner of the family. I am worried about the future of my daughters.
I can’t leave this place because what would my husband say if he returns
back. The dilemma is killing me. “
The above-mentioned excerpts are a part of the pain
reported by the wives of the disappeared. I have been doing a thorough
psychoanalytical reading of such stories of deepest pain verbalized by the
victims. My analysis shows that the continual mental affliction of the
wives of the disappeared, if not attended, might burst into some kind of
violence which could be costly and detrimental to society.
Note: I did not mention the names of the victims,
since the stories are almost the same as those of thousands
of other wives of the disappeared.
A lawyer by profession, Kopila Adhikari leads the human rights
documentation unit of Advocacy Forum, one of Nepal’s leading
non-government organizations which has joined the AFAD. She represents her
organization at the AFAD Council.