Daddy’s Diary
(A Day in the Life of the Father of A Disappeared Deacon)
By: Jennifer S. Pacursa 1
It was barely a month before Christmas and the AFAD secretariat scheduled a visit to Fidel Tayag in Angeles, Pampanga, Philippines. He is the father of Carlos “Caloy” N. Tayag one of the desaparecidos during martial law.
On December 5, the team went to Angeles for a visit to Daddy, as he is fondly called by Families of Victims of Involuntary Disappearances (FIND) members. He was clad in white T-shirt, checkered blue shorts and slippers and already waiting when the group arrived. The six -hour ride from Manila seemed insignificant when we saw the excitement in his eyes which, despite his 85 years, manifested the exuberance of youth. He brought us to their living room, introduced us to his grandchildren and showed us his albums. Daddy was full of enthusiasm when he talked to us about the latest issue of
The Voice. Obviously he had read the magazine thoroughly from cover to cover.
With warmth and candor he was like an 18 year-old teen-ager who has finally owned his first car. Yet, when we began to ask him about Caloy, Daddy shifted to a contemplative mood and started to reminisce the last days of his son.
Carlos N. Tayag, fondly called by his family as Caloy is the second to the eldest in a brood of eight. He was born on August 24,1942 and was 33 years old at the time of his disappearance. Daddy described Caloy as too helpful, too down-to-earth so that often times he forgot to give himself a break. He liked to do mission, to visit the countryside. Caloy liked what the Jesuits are doing since he saw a lot of people in poverty.
As Daddy continued to narrate Caloy’s past to us, I couldn’t help but notice the change of rhythm in his speech. It became slower. His eyes became misty, as he began to slouch in his seat, evidence of unhealed pain which gnawed constantly.
In all this, Daddy gave us an insight into what Caloy was-a man of ordinary dreams with an extraordinary gift of generosity. He wanted to give Filipinos a better life and freedom from oppression, a stand which caught him in a crossfire during the rule of President Ferdinand Marcos.
He continued to add that Caloy studied at the University of the Philippines- Diliman where he was introduced to student activism. The school was an eye opener for him to all the wrongs of the Marcos regime. He then joined San Beda as an ordained deacon in the Order of St. Benedict. Travelling to other countries like Japan, China, Taipei, and Vietnam, Caloy became a correspondent of an international newspaper. Because of the nature of his, job he began writing on issues that depicted the way of life of the Filipinos including socio-economic and political issues that exposed the Marcoses in the international community. He did this until the late former president Ferdinand Marcos read an article of his in the newspaper. For this, Caloy earned the ire of the military, with his name included in the “order of battle “ of the Philippine Constabulary (PC).
Caloy was last seen by his family at San Beda where he served as a deacon. He was actively involved with the church group, lay leaders and the youth and was instrumental in the formation of the Christians for National Liberation in 1972. Caloy worked for theological reforms and the transformation of religious institutions in the context of martial law. It was part of his involvement in the ongoing liberation process.
It was August 17,1976 when he was reportedly abducted by unidentified armed men in a house in Quezon City. Irenea Tayag, (the mother of Caloy) or Mommy to friends, said the abductors reportedly went inside the house and forcibly abducted Caloy at gunpoint while he was typing. After the incident, Mommy, along with other relatives, went to the Ministry of National Defense at the National Intelligence Service Agency (NISA) office to inquire as to Caloy’s whereabouts, but the effort yielded negative results. They talked to the officer-in-charge of NISA at V. Luna St., Quezon City. According to the unidentified officer, he ordered his subordinate to look under the file list of “Christian leftists” after learning that he was an ordained deacon. No information of Caloy’s disappearance was found and no agency concerned provided positive answers.
A month after his disappearance, Mommy received information that her son was detained in Camp Bicutan formerly Camp Bagong Diwa and she hurried with her son Nick to the Camp. They brought with them a big can of biscuits as a welcome gift, but were disheartened to know that there’s no one by the name of Carlos Tayag ever detained in the camp.
Caloy’s disappearance changed the family’s way of life forever. It had a bigger impact on Mommy as she became more active in the cause for which her son disappeared. Mommy continued to look for her son against all odds and it was during this scenario when Mommy met the families of the other desaparecidos. It was at this time when she met Cecilia, the mother of missing labor lawyer Hermon Lagman,
The two mothers, together with the other families of the disappeared, planned to form an organization to help them with their cause. Since there was no specific organization which catered to their needs, they created one and named it Families of Victims of Involuntary Disappearances (FIND), By dint of her extra-ordinary commitment, Mommy later become the chairperson of the organization. .
According to Daddy, the main objective of the organization is to help member families find their loved ones and become its refuge in times of despair and uncertainty. “It is one of their goals to finally eradicate involuntary disappearance in the face of the earth and to give meaning to the cause of the
desaparecidos, of the cause of Caloy”, Daddy added.
As an 85-year old, Daddy wants to go where the action is but is fully aware of his own physical limitation. He said, “I would just let the organization do its job. We have done what we could in creating it.” Daddy quietly suggested it would also be more beneficial if socio-economic programs could be introduced for the families of the disappeared like introduction of livelihood programs and scholarship programs to complement the organization’s campaign for justice.
After almost an hour of non-stop questions and answers, Daddy mentioned that it had been 26 agonizing years since Caloy disappeared, yet not a single trace has been found to lead them to the whereabouts of his beloved son. Justice, he said, is so elusive and politicians just keep on talking in circles, giving promises that are not fulfilled. With hopelessness written in his face, I noticed Daddy take off his eyeglasses and wipe his misty eyes. I also saw a father missing his son once again this Christmas. Finally, in a perplexed mood, he said, “ while there is life, there is hope.”
